To the one's who made me feel unworthy and unloved, thank you. You're probably wondering why in the world would I ever thank any one who could make me feel so unworthy, so unloved, and so terrible but keep reading, and you will find out why it was the best thing that could have happened to me. This blog is going to be a little bit more different than my previous ones, I feel God tugging on my heart to dig a little bit deeper into my life and share the struggles that I have gone through and have continued to go through. As a teenage girl we all go through those awkward years where boys seem to be the COOLEST thing in our lives. Think about that one boy in middle school that you had the biggest crush on but he never even looked your way. We all do it, we all have these huge fantasy crushes that we dream over, maybe one day he will ask for your number or ask out to that one middle school dance. For me, acceptance was my number one thing that I struggled with growing up and to be completely honest....I am still struggling with it now. Being accepted by a guy or girl was a huge deal for me. A girl not wanting to be my friend, could have possibly been the worst news a teenage girl could get and a boy not wanting to talk to me was a nightmare. I didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be my friend or hangout with me, I still don't, and quite frankly I don't think I ever will. What I do know is that I already have a Heavenly Father who makes me feel worthy and loved when people around me don't. I have this figure in my life who wants to know me, who begs to have a relationship with me and not just a steady one but a strong one, someone who already loves me even with all the baggage that I come with. I can honestly say I did not have the relationship with Christ then that I do today. Things like being left out and rejected, tore me to pieces and affected me greatly because I did not have a strong Godly relationship to turn to when I desperately needed someone to accept me and tell me why things went the way they did. I still go through things like rejection, being left out, and losing people in my life who I thought were my friends but, I have a stronger bond with my Heavenly Father who takes away all my fears of feeling unworthy and unloved. Although, I will never understand why some people we're not meant to be in my life I know God has planned a purpose for each person who I come in contact with. I struggled with losing friends and people, and not understanding why things did not work out the way I intended them too. Although, I will never doubt the plan that God already has for me. YES, I know I might never know why certain people walk in and out of my life but I firmly believe that every person was meant to play a purpose in mine and yours story. From the cashier hop at Chick-Fil-A to your last broken friendship or relationship all of these hardships play as a stepping stone to get you a step closer to His ultimate plan that He has for you and I. Some of my biggest struggles came from God himself, pushing me, helping me grow into a strong and willing Child of God. In John 16:33 it says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Because God has laid out such a strong foundation, I have peace knowing that this world was meant to have trouble. I am meant to go through struggles, you are meant to go through some of the toughest stages of your life. What you're not meant to go through is this world alone, you and I were not meant to overcome these troubles alone. I have had people in my life who I thought were my mentors tell me that I would not be smart enough or good enough to accomplish the goals I had set for myself, I have had friends ditch our friendship and not know why, I have had relationships fail and not know what went wrong, This bothered me, not knowing what happened, or what would happen. I had so many questions that I knew I wasn't going to get the answers for, or better yet the answers that I wanted to hear. I would so desperately long for someone to say to me, "Danielle, it wasn't because of you things didn't work out but because of ________" There was always thoughts of "what if I did this differently" or "could have beens" but everything happens for a reason. The problem was that I longed for an explantation on why certain things happened. I think we all do, we all wonder why we didn't get into our dream school we had planned to attend since we were 10 years old, we all wonder why our mom had to have cancer and pass away because of it, we all wonder why that relationship failed, or why that friendship ended. We are all wonderers. I have recently found the beauty in wondering, I find beauty in that I don't need to know everything that occurs. Because if I knew the reasoning behind every little thing, what would I have to look forward to, how would I learn from things and grow stronger. Through these different hardships God has called me closer to Him calling me to, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" because when you place your trust in Him, you give your entire life and place it in His hands. You are no longer wondering why, but know why, because our Almighty God has a plan so much bigger and so much stronger than your questioning of "why's". So, To the one's who made me feel unworthy and unloved, thank you again for helping me grow a stronger relationship with the One who holds it all, and be confident in Him knowing that He has never failed me. Because of those hardships I no longer lean on what I do not understand but I lean on the Lord.
