i should be asleep. i should be getting up in 6 hours to get ready for my normal 40 minute commute to work where i am a photo journalism and journalism teacher. getting ready for another day with my students— probably make my normal cup of tea and get ready for the day.
but im not.
im at home. where i will be for the next month or so, probably longer. i have been here since march 15th which doesn’t seem like a long time but it’s felt like eternity. i don’t really know when it was that i felt “ok this is actually happening”...it still doesn’t feel real, im just learning to go with it. i am in my home living with 4 other people— something i haven’t done since i was 18. it’s weird and oddly comforting within so many unknowns. during this time, i have taken walks with neighbors and family, played one too many card games, moved my mattress into the game room, ate 3 breakfasts a day, and have tried many new “adventurous” things. but, i am craving so many things i let myself take for granted just a few short weeks ago.
i want to go to church.
i want to hangout with my friends and not sit 6+ feet apart.
i want to sit down at a restaurant.
i want to go grocery shopping and not feel like i am waiting in a line at six flags.
i want to go to the movies.
i want to go to WORK.
so many things i took for granted, sitting in a church. i never thought i would ever ‘lose’ the privilege of sitting in a seat at church on a sunday morning. never. but i am craving worship— i know that we are the church and worship is wherever you are but i miss sitting in a seat at church, hearing a sermon, and worshipping.
work, i love my job but a couple weeks ago working from home didn’t sound so bad. but i am greatly missing my students. i am missing a routine and the passion i have for my classes. when i got this teaching position my heart was excited for the relationships i was going to form within my class and now i am sitting in front of a computer, uploading assignments once a week and sending 50 emails a day to high-school students (who don’t check their email🙄). i will be honest, it’s not what i envisioned these last few months would be.
as a Christian you know life is full of unknowns. but this one just hits different. because it’s not just you experiencing the unknown, it’s everyone. And you have to lean on superior decisions to hopefully make the right call. but— there’s plenty to be thankful for. although, i and many others may not walk across a stage and get my diploma, experience prom, have your dream wedding you have been planning since you were 6 or whatever covid-19 cancelled i am thankful for plenty.
thankful for security in my job.
thankful for health and safety within my family.
thankful for technological resources that allow us to remain social.
thankful for conversations.
thankful for family dinners and game nights.
thankful for neighbors.
thankful for all the first responders and their precious families that are sacrificing their loved ones to help others.
there’s so much i am thankful for + to be thankful for. i can’t help but think about Jesus resurrection from the dead. that empty tomb. our powerful God in the midst of an absurd pandemic. He is in control. not your mind, not the president. Him. i will worship Him in my home, faithful not fearful. i will come out of this wiser, stronger, and better because He who calms the waves will also calm the anxiousness in my heart.
